Three More days

Three more days, but who’s counting? The kids think he’ll be home April 2nd, but we’re going to surprise them on April Fool’s day with an “early” return. With baseball under full swing in our household, he’ll be thrown back into the realm of dad hood and get Mav to practice Wednesday evening while I take the other kids to church activities. He’s excited to come in fully swinging and I’m so grateful he is. I know both of us are worn out from nine months of “survival mode.” Life hasn’t been horrible, we both have so much to be grateful for, but man was not meant to be alone… nor was woman. My heart aches for the widows/widowers and divorcees of this world. Update on the house: We haven’t gotten it yet. The owner is dealing with some complications due to their own pending divorce, so we’re waiting to hear from them after their next divorce hearing. I’m praying things can settle for them, so that we can start seeing a movement towards owning this house. Update on my migraines: they’re worse. I need to message my doctor and let him know that not only has the medication not helped, I think it made things worse. It’s possible that my stress has increased combined with where I’m at in my cycle, so maybe I need to give it time, but it is hard to do that when I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I’m going to die. I know that sounds hyperbolic, but last night, Bev woke me up complaining of a chronic cough and begged to come into bed with me. I was too tired, initially, to say no. She crawled in next to me and proceeded to cough for the next fifteen minutes straight. By then I was awake enough to realize that this wasn’t going to work; I was not going to get any sleep with her next to me. I went downstairs to get her some stuff to help with her cough and came back up to tuck her in. After she was settled in bed, I turned around to go back to my own and nearly passed out. I sat down till the room stopped spinning and I felt my vision clear. I walked to my bed and collapsed in the fetal position. My head still spinning and my stomach cramping. I then realized that the other times I’ve felt like this: I was having an abdominal migraine. There wasn’t a headache… yet. I woke up at 5:45 with a throbbing headache, one of the worst I’ve had in a long time. I knew if I tried to keep sleeping it would only get worse, so I hobbled out of bed and downed some meds and grabbed an icepack. I fell asleep about thirty minutes later (also partly because Harvey was now up and I was trying to help the others sleep in a bit longer, so he was in my bed keeping me up). I only slept for an hour more before it was time to get up and get to church. I really thought about missing, but Max was supposed to get set apart for his new calling as a councilor in the Deacon’s quorum (though I forgot by the end of church) and I was supposed to be in the choir (though they definitely could’ve done fine without me), however, I couldn’t miss leading the primary kids in “Gethsemane” which they did beautifully. I prayed Heavenly Father would help my migraine subside so that I wouldn’t heave during the meeting. By the time I got to church, it was a dull ache and I mostly just felt checked out due to the meds. Andy was also suffering from a bad migraine today too. Even apart, we always seem to be in sync with our rough days. At least we understand each other and can feel a lot of empathy. Wish it wasn’t the case though.

I had a makeup 504 meeting for Max on Monday. They had nothing but good things to say about Max. He really is a good kid. One of his teachers commented that he and his two buddies, Tripp and Charlie, are like triplets. It made me smile because, really they’re a lot a like and they’ve lived next door to each other since they were 5, so they’ve practically grown up together. Though it will be very sad to move even three minutes away from our besties, I am excited about what this property will mean even for Tripp and Charlie. There is so much room on this land for them to go be kids. I think Andy and I want this property for the potential of what it can offer our ward family and friends as much as our own family.

I’ve really been enjoying watching the boys’ games. Tball is very entertaining. Kids digging in the dirt, etc. But Harvey is of course my favorite source of entertainment. He is very focused on the ball (I got to throw it three times, Mom!), but while he’s waiting for the action, he’s got some serious dance moves. Maverick’s games are much more competitive and a different kind of entertaining, but so much fun to watch. Bev is getting ready for her upcoming dance recital, which we’re excited to go watch. The kids have been spending a lot of time riding their bikes around in the beautiful weather we’ve been having. I got to read to Harvey’s class on Friday and then he convinced me to take him home afterwards (the day was almost over anyway). I had a lot of fun reading, “A Giraffe and a Half” to his class. One of the kids told me I was like Eminem. That was quite the compliment.

As we get ready for Easter week, this Palm Sunday, I am inspired to share my testimony of my Savior. At the Easter activity, there was a gallery of pictures of the Savior. I got to see many different renditions of what these artists thought our Savior looked like. I was very touched by that thought. I know he has one look, and I hope I can recognize him when I see him again because I know his spirit, but it made me think of my own relationship with my Savior and who he is to me. In some of the pictures, the Savior had harsher eyes. I am sure that he has those eyes in times like when he overturned the money tables in the temple, but I think the majority of the time, his eyes are compassionate, forgiving, and inviting. Our world often claims that if we hold people to the standards of Christianity, then we aren’t being Christlike, because Jesus sat with the sinners. But in every instance where Jesus visited a “sinner” (which was always because we are all sinners), he invited them to follow him. He didn’t sit with them in their sins, but invited them to a better way. A way that could lead them to the greatest amount of happiness and to reach their individual potential. I feel like time has felt so precious, especially these past nine months. It has been hard to fit everything in, but I hope that I am doing what I can with my time to reach my own potential. I know that through my Savior’s sacrifice, I can be sculpted and molded into something beyond my current understanding of my capacity. I know through past experiences, that the hardest things in my life have helped grow in ways I wouldn’t have understood before those moments. I’ve received the greatest blessings of my life through some of the hardest times of my life. I don’t know what I’ve learned yet from these past nine months or what blessings will come of it, but I know that something good has or will come from it, because that is how it has been even from the very horrible moments of my life. God is in the details. I’ve seen too many coincidences in my life to think otherwise. I don’t know how he has the capacity to be so involved and mindful of all of his children’s lives, but I truly feel that He is. If nothing else, these past nine months have drawn me closer to my Savior and to those on the other side of the veil that are invested in my spiritual life and that of my children. The hope of my Savior’s resurrection buoys me up in times of struggle. The knowledge that he suffered, not just for my sins, but for all of the trials of mortality, comfort me and bring me peace. I hope that I can pass this knowledge and faith onto my children. That would bring me the greatest joy and no other success in my life would feel as sweet.