This week was gratefully uneventful. Max had football, Andy worked most nights, and Max had a half day of school on Friday. I am fortunate in so many ways. So that’ll be my focus for this blog today. I listened to a lady’s testimony in our ward today and she said when COVID made them cancel her Ragnar race it felt like the worst thing ever. In context, she struggled with anxiety and depression and this had pulled her out of that, so when COVID took it away it felt unbearable to her. Then she turned to the Lord who told her to reach out. My initial thought when she talked about this ragnar race being life or death was almost an eye roll (I know… you’re thinking , “Judgey much?” Yes.. working on that), but then she talked about the solution she found. “The Lord told me to reach out.”
I thought, “How often do I let “first world” problems consume my emotional energy, when the solution is longer lasting and more fulfilling. Reaching out. Being there for others when it seems hard to step outside of the chaos or heartache that could be your life. I honestly felt so blessed during my whole health run down, but a nagging feeling was at the back of my mind that I wanted to reach out but couldn’t. I hope that when the opportunity presents itself for me to serve another, I take it and take it willingly, but now that I’m feeling better I’m trying to get back into the mindset of looking for opportunities to serve.
As hard as it was to go through all the poking, probing, needles, anesthesia, incisions, etc. etc. As well as just the overall fear and anxiety of what is wrong with me, I had this level of undeserved peace that stayed with me. I had Andy give me several blessings during all of it and again and again I was reminded that God was aware of me, loved me, and would help me through it. He did. He sent Angels. Those I could see and those I couldn’t. My parents, my neighbor, my husband’s co-workers’ wives (and my friends, and my relief society president and other ladies in the ward who dropped off freezer meals, watched kids, took them to preschool, picked up my van from the ER, and on and on. I am feeling so much better now. I’m on my last week of antibiotics, no longer have to wear the heart monitor, my incisions are healing and mostly pain free (except when Harvey gives a mad kick to the abdomen), and I don’t feel as much stomach pain (hoping it completely goes away once these pills are finished). There were also blessings from going through all of that. I was able to feel so loved by so many people— something I struggle feeling despite what others do or say. I lost 10 lbs simply because I couldn’t eat much. I got to spend bonus time with my parents. And I guess the perk of having nearly every test imaginable is a sense of security that my health is doing pretty well despite all that. The hardest part for me during all of it was not being able to do all I usually do and help as much as I usually help. I’ve realized that it is a blessing to be healthy enough to serve and be on the serving end and humbling to be on the receiving end.
To close this blog I’ll include a post I put on facebook and my ward’s newsletter and then some pictures from the week.
I would be remiss if I didn’t post about the amazing weekend I had. In my faith we believe in keeping the Sabbath day holy. This can look different for some families but there are basics that help guide my decisions on what to do and not do. First of all, it was a day given to us from Heavenly Father as a gift. With that in mind, I realize it is a gift to do/not do the things I have decided upon because it is what helps me reconnect with Heaven, providing an added support for the week ahead. Let me continue with, I am not perfect at this. Far from it, but yesterday was a good day. I really felt close to my Savior as I listened to the prophet and apostles and other leaders of the church. You too can go and listen to the word of the Lord through the words of the prophet at www.churchofjesuschrist.org.
After listening to these men and women of God for 10 hours over the course of two days I felt closer to my savior, a drive to do more good, and a strength to handle the struggles that I face. My testimony in a living prophet was reaffirmed. My understanding and relationship with my Savior grew, and the knowledge that my Father in Heaven loves me was reminded to me again and again, either through their words or from the spirit touching my heart. I hope that others can listen to some or all of this and feel the uplift it gave me. If you want specific ones to listen to because you are new to the idea that God still has prophets, let me know and I’ll suggest a specific talk to get you started! But without a doubt, listening to the prophet himself, President Nelson, will help you grow closer to your savior. I don’t post this sort of stuff often, definitely not often enough, but I feel like someone in my sphere of friendship needs this in their life and so I’m sending it out there. I am always here for questions!
This general conference has been inspired and inspiring. I have felt lifted and heard. Specific prayers of my heart have been answered and guidance has been given on how to search and find further answers. The Bretheren have urged us to listen to Him. I pray that we can reread these conference talks and dive into our scriptures to learn what His voice feels and sounds like. In Come Follow Me this past few weeks, the idea of the Savior visiting the Nephites has become more profound to me than ever before. Imagine the Lord visiting us. In their time of a literal myst of darkness the Lord spoke to him. Imagine being in that myst and hearing a voice from Heaven. It would probably be both terrifying and comforting. I think we can hear that voice in our lives today. In the mist of spiritual darkness we can hear our Savior’s voice as we turn our hearts and minds to the sound thereof. I know General Conference is one of those sources of His voice. Turn to it often.