I am still really grateful I went two weeks without migraines, and really it ended up being about two and a half weeks because I didn’t get a migraine till this Thursday evening. Unfortunately, I’ve had one every day since then. I’m due for my next dosage of the migraine shot in a week, so maybe the effects are wearing off, maybe I am fighting a small virus, maybe it’s the introduction to new stress in my life, or maybe it’s just where I’m at in my cycle and no amount of meds can keep that migraine from hitting when that time comes around. I didn’t have anything scheduled for Friday; I was just planning on working on unpacking/ organizing, etc. but my migraine was so bad, that for once, I went back to bed. I usually grin and bear it but this one was a doozy. Around noon the pain finally started to subside. I still felt sick, but I can function as long as my head is throbbing so bad I can’t see straight. I got up and made sour dough, cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry, unpacked three boxes… just imagine what I could’ve done had I felt good all day. There was a new lady in our ward (I believe she moved into the ward before we did) that spoke in church on Sunday. She shared how she has a chronic illness that keeps her from doing the things she loved like running, etc. She said it took her a while to find joy in life because it felt like she had to redefine herself and what she was now capable of doing. I know I don’t have it as bad as her, but I love being productive. I hate lying around, but sometimes, I think it’s more important to listen to your body. I am not good at this. I grew up feeling like my worth was tied to the amount of stuff I accomplished. I still feel this, but understand it’s not true… like it makes sense, but I still struggle when I can’t run as fast as I’d like to.
I watched “The other Bennet Sister last night.” Yup the whole season. I sat on the couch and folded laundry, washed the dishes and watched from the kitchen. And at the end, I felt a lot of joy. If you’ve ever seen the 6 plus hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, then you’ll appreciate this show. The “other sister” is Mary. In the original book and show, she is shown as an extremely socially awkward, very plain young woman that was surely destined to be an old maid. I wrote a paper on Pride and Prejudice, comparing it to Jane Austen’s own life. After watching the movie last night, I think I was erroneous when I made the claim that Jane placed herself in the shoes of Elizabeth. No, I think Jane may have been Mary. Jane was a master at observing, understanding the character of an individual, and had a deeper understanding of the harm of their society’s views on women and marriage. A talent, I believe, she gained by being on the outside of the conversation and not the main attraction. Mary, though terribly awkward, always seemed to see things more clearly than a lot of the other sisters. Austen never married. She had love, but one was lost to death and another was unattainable because of the division in their station. I loved The other Bennet sister because it is redemptive. It gave Jane the ending she deserved. It showed how those who are mistreated are very much lovable, but perhaps someone in their life making them feel or telling them that they do not deserve to be accepted or loved becomes that individual’s reality. They begin to feel and believe what they are being told. This shows the power we can have to help others rise to their greatest potential, or cause the opposite. There is a devotional talk by Elder Holland that he gave at BYU sometime between 2008 and 2010. He talked about a man who nobody liked, who seemed like a bum and not a man of much worth. He moved away, made a beautiful life for himself and became an accomplished, kind man. Then he moved back to his hometown and the village treated him as though he was the man he used to be. He slowly slipped back into the man he had left behind, leaving all of the character strengths he had gained behind. If we treat others with respect, high expectations, and love, we truly can nourish them to become something beyond even our own expectations of them. It is sometimes hard to remember that as a parent when your child does something disappointing, but showing them that they can rise above any mistakes they’ve made, teaches them that they can change and become who their Father in Heaven believes they can become.