As we are full swing into the school year, of course our kids caught the first bug that went around, It was just a little cold, but manifested different symptoms in each kid (weird). Harvey had croup, Bev had an upset stomach (no vomit, thank goodness), Max had pink eye, a sore throat and a headache, and Maverick had a cough and a headache. And of course, they each stayed home on a different day, so my plans were a bit derailed. I still got to go to book club Thursday evening and the stake relief society dinner Friday evening. Both were uplifting and healing in a lot of ways. I’ve been struggling with this move. Not because it isn’t a good thing, not because I’m upset about all the repairs we’ve had to do (although one could argue I’m physically struggling with this move because we have had so much to do), but rather, change. Change is hard. Even if it is only 25 min from our last home. The kids are adapting extremely well to their new schools. They’re making friends on the bus (making my guilty mom heart feel good about my choice to let them ride the bus), they like their teachers, they’re doing good in school, they are getting to know the ward members. But I feel a bit in limbo. Maybe because I am still somewhat close to our old friends, but I’ve moved far enough away from our old community that I’m struggling to be ok with the fact that I’m not going to be able to do as much with them as I used to. I was already somewhat friends with the sisters in my new ward before I moved here and they know of the relationships I had before, so I’m wondering if they think I am closed to new friends. I don’t know. I overthink too much. I knew these ladies from book club and they’re lovely. And I know that change takes time. It takes time to become a part of a new community. So I am trying to remember that and be patient.
I’ve learned throughout my life, that I can’t wait for someone to include me, but I need to reach out to others. I tried this week, but with sick kids, I had to cancel those plans. Between getting settled in and fixing up the old house for a rental, I’ve been so busy, that it is hard to plan anything additional. I know this is just a phase and it’ll pass and things will settle down and then I can have a season of trying to make friends, but it is a bit isolating. At the same time, I’ve reached out to my sisters and old friends from my mission and high school and have felt loved and extremely grateful that I have these people to feel safe with. Sisters are built in best friends and I’m so sad Bev will never have that. I hope I can be that for her. As far as my friends go, I feel extremely lucky. Holly and Katie have been my friends since Jr. High and I love that we can still have a connection through Marco Polo. They make me feel heard and seen and loved, something I’ve shared I struggle with. I’ve gained friends from mission companions, Mindy Spackman, in particular. I don’t get to talk to her much, but when I do, it’s like no time has passed and the depth that we shared on our mission is ever present. And of course, Andy. He is my constant. When I’m crazy or hormonal, he is there. He is patient with my feeling of inadequacy and does whatever he can to help me see clearly or build me up. After fifteen years of marriage, he’s learned how to help me through these moments. No matter where our life has taken us, he is my steady rock. We have been through some tough times, but after it all, there is no one I’d rather spend my time with.